Usually, when people plan to go away for a long period of time, they leave some words behind..words to soothe the worries of the worrier haha..you know, to say that "I'm going to be fine. Don't worry. Xoxo. " I know that I will be fine in the place I'm going. A long vacation. I'm ready. Packed up. With nothing. Packed up with no stress. Packed up clean. Empty. New. Take me in the form I'm in. I want to learn again. The right way.
Let's slow down. What am I living for?what am I living for when I can't see that candle 20ft from here?
What am I living for if I can't see where I'm going? My dreams..my unrealistic goals..to be the best that I can be. Not what everyone is. Or what's to be. Not the protocol. Fuck the prototype. I won't become him. I want to be him..me.
No more will I be a weight in your one passenger boat. I won't be the lifejacket either.
I can't please anyone. I can't please myself. I can't win. Why should you win?
I'm at a war. A dead end. On going. Inevitable war. Never ending. I'm in a reoccuring nightmare. I am a contradiction. I'm a hypocrite. I'm a coward. I'm a waste. Clean this mess up Place me where I belong.
I digress. Pardon me. My trip. Back to my trippp. I'm going. Leaving soon. I heard there will be beaches, paradise, all things i daydream about. It's there. A world I'm creating. Within a daydream. Unhappiness? What is that?smiles are never flipped. Euphoria. 80 and sunny. Free. Liberated. Unshackled.
Don't be worried. I'm happy. I'll be happy there too. I'm ready to lift myself from your shoulders. Off your head. Lifted from your tongue. Off your chest.

I'm going to be fine. Don't worry. Xoxo.

- Diante L. Johnson 4.2.2010