and it still stands.

 This was written a few years back and was saved as a draft..Still accurate:


Being molested did nothing to my body. My mind and my soul was molested. The emotions and feelings that I felt for the person who I consider a cousin was not appropriate and it messed me up. Whispers from you saying "If you weren't my cousin.." If we weren't related you'd have sex with me, Fuck my mind up then leave? You won that battle, but you haven't won the war. You almost had me convinced that it was okay for you to touch me until you were pleased. I've had to face a repetitive notion of me hating myself, then you, then myself for too long. I still haven't accomplished the element of looking at myself and being just a little bit content. I wasted too much time being a victim during the time that all of my friends were growing into themselves and discovering who they were. But even though my innocence was taken away prematurely, it was replaced by a wisdom. It assisted me in growing up and realizing that no one, not even people who you consider your "family" can be trusted. Everyone has their secret intentions and motives. Everyone fiends for a quick fix. I was just available. Too available. & I don't forgive you, but I thank you for showing me that. Now, I have to have a guard up at all times.
You knew you were wrong from the moment you placed your hands on my body. My curiosity should not have been entertained nor compromise. I was a child. To you, I was just an easy sexual opportunity that you used with you freewill. You freely used me whenever you want to. How can you live with yourself? How did you manage to have your family upset that I decided not to keep quiet on a matter that destroyed my well being for 7 years? You were molested yourself. Why would you put someone through the same thing? I'm okay now and I hope that after today I won't be forced to talk about something that is not only DEAD, but very personal to me. I hope you burn in hell or at least, rot in jail. In replace of my innocence, I want you to suffer. That would be the most fair compromise you and I have ever made.