First off, I would like to say, FUCK YOU. Thanks.
Anyway, I don't know..I'm trying too hard to the point where I'm losing myself. I've been put out my element since we have moved to Rutherford Green. It's like one day, I was so dependent to the next day, literally, making my own decisions. It's crazy.
I miss Woodlawn. If I had one wish, it would be to go back to that school with my old friends because they are the only ones who know me for the Diante' I love to be.
Crazy. It's fucking crazy.
It took so long. Probably, 7 years , to loosen up to the people at my school. And to be pulled away without a proper goodbye hurts the most. No one can truly say that they understand where I'm coming from. I know I am in this alone. I've been in this alone for a long fucking time. I'm tired of being ALONE.
It's crazy. It's been almost a year and I didn't fully transition to this place. I hate this house, this area, this school. The place that I grew up and got to know me is gone and there's no way of me getting it back. It's so easy for me to cover up how I feel. When I try to express how I feel, I don't like to feel like I'm rambling and the person I'm talking to is not concerned about how I feel and the best advice they can give is to "get over it". Even though I do need to "get over it", that's kind of harsh for a person who lost everything they knew. So again, fuck you.
New Subject.
Love. Remixed. Ha. I don't know.
Is the right person for me staring me in my eyes? I think so. That could be a mistake because I often mistake love for infatuation and infatuation for lust. I'm slutty. I disgrace myself. Lmao. Anwyay, I should take a chance. What do I have to lose..except time, sleep, friends, bad-talk..Nevermind. I know my mistakes. It's waiting for the right person to come to me because I am afriad of telling someone how I really feel verbally. But that's cool with me. I know that person will be here sooner than a blink of an eye. Even though I've been saying that for eons. Million of blinks have passed already. Poor me. The crazy thing is that I honestly live to love someone. I'm denying myself of what really makes me happy. And that alone is fucking sad.
En el futuro. (In the future.)
Where am I going to be? There's a lot of possibilities. I can say that with absolute certainty. I have a lot of imigination. More than a fifth grader. Rawr! I wanna be everything. And I can see myself happy in every occupation. And let's not fight it, happiness is what life is really about. Do your research.
Right now.
I'm not okay. But I'm content. Knowing that a lot of shit that has happened and happening that I cannot change is what's really taking a toll on my emotions. It's too early to try to forget about what happened between my family & I. There's no use of even trying to dwell on it because it's not doing any good for me. I'm fucking over it. So after April, when hopefully everything is over, I can move on with my life.
School sucks. Enough said. I don't need to write how much I hate it when it runs through my head like 24/7.
I'm stressed out. All I want right now is a big hug and a sunny day with warm weather. No more rain.
"..when I just wanna say that I love her everyday.."
-Complicated.
Anyway, I don't know..I'm trying too hard to the point where I'm losing myself. I've been put out my element since we have moved to Rutherford Green. It's like one day, I was so dependent to the next day, literally, making my own decisions. It's crazy.
I miss Woodlawn. If I had one wish, it would be to go back to that school with my old friends because they are the only ones who know me for the Diante' I love to be.
Crazy. It's fucking crazy.
It took so long. Probably, 7 years , to loosen up to the people at my school. And to be pulled away without a proper goodbye hurts the most. No one can truly say that they understand where I'm coming from. I know I am in this alone. I've been in this alone for a long fucking time. I'm tired of being ALONE.
It's crazy. It's been almost a year and I didn't fully transition to this place. I hate this house, this area, this school. The place that I grew up and got to know me is gone and there's no way of me getting it back. It's so easy for me to cover up how I feel. When I try to express how I feel, I don't like to feel like I'm rambling and the person I'm talking to is not concerned about how I feel and the best advice they can give is to "get over it". Even though I do need to "get over it", that's kind of harsh for a person who lost everything they knew. So again, fuck you.
New Subject.
Love. Remixed. Ha. I don't know.
Is the right person for me staring me in my eyes? I think so. That could be a mistake because I often mistake love for infatuation and infatuation for lust. I'm slutty. I disgrace myself. Lmao. Anwyay, I should take a chance. What do I have to lose..except time, sleep, friends, bad-talk..Nevermind. I know my mistakes. It's waiting for the right person to come to me because I am afriad of telling someone how I really feel verbally. But that's cool with me. I know that person will be here sooner than a blink of an eye. Even though I've been saying that for eons. Million of blinks have passed already. Poor me. The crazy thing is that I honestly live to love someone. I'm denying myself of what really makes me happy. And that alone is fucking sad.
En el futuro. (In the future.)
Where am I going to be? There's a lot of possibilities. I can say that with absolute certainty. I have a lot of imigination. More than a fifth grader. Rawr! I wanna be everything. And I can see myself happy in every occupation. And let's not fight it, happiness is what life is really about. Do your research.
Right now.
I'm not okay. But I'm content. Knowing that a lot of shit that has happened and happening that I cannot change is what's really taking a toll on my emotions. It's too early to try to forget about what happened between my family & I. There's no use of even trying to dwell on it because it's not doing any good for me. I'm fucking over it. So after April, when hopefully everything is over, I can move on with my life.
School sucks. Enough said. I don't need to write how much I hate it when it runs through my head like 24/7.
I'm stressed out. All I want right now is a big hug and a sunny day with warm weather. No more rain.
"..when I just wanna say that I love her everyday.."
-Complicated.
2 comments:
AWE!! D, do you know how awesome you are?? Um, actually I think yo do.
"I'm slutty" <--- the quote that made my day.
It sucks to know you hate your new environment so much, that's why you get a car! get as far away as you can!
"we went for a ride" - fefe dosbon.
um. yeah, I love you. and i hope that your emo clouds evaporate soon.
New enviroments can take a toll on you. Things will get better before they get worse hun
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